Thousands and thousands of words have been written by those much more experienced in the world of M/s than I am. All of that information is good and valuable but, to me, it lacks the personal touch. I am anemone, collared slave of Lady Eire, and I have been trying to define my slavery in terms that make sense to me and make sense within the context of my relationship with Mistress.
Much has been made of the Power Exchange in BDSM relationships, but much of what has been said of that exchange does not feel right from my perspective. To me there is never a time where Lady Eire is not Mistress and I am not her slave. Yes even in the most vanilla of times it is there, for someone who knows what to look for, to see. It might be as simple as waiting for her to begin eating before I do, or maybe I open the doors for her, or any of a thousand other things.
So what is a slave, a slave is one who finds completion in total service to another person. For my heart I have to be in that situation where someone has that level of control over me; where I have said to them, verbally or otherwise, that should they desire to take it they have total control of me and what I am to do. In my way of thinking, this is not a power exchange it is more of an authority exchange where I have granted my choices to my owner and trust her not to abuse the privilege.
It takes significant trust to go this deep in one’s service to another person. You have to be sure that your Mistress is not going to take that authority you have granted her and abuse it. This comes to the point of, “you call yourself a slave but people cannot be owned” that is true that one cannot be owned in the fashion of chattel property although this is a “fantasy” that many slaves live under. We grant our freedom to the one whose collar we wear. Technically we do have the right to walk out of the relationship any time it does not work. Legally this is a right but practically it would take something egregious and really abusive for a slave to do that since many of us would see it as an act of disobedience. Slavery is about obedience, about calm acceptance of what your owner desires and knowing that although she may seek your council she is not bound to act on it.
Many slaves are taught to be open books for their owners; this is done so that the owner can take the emotional pulse of their property at any time and know they are getting the truth. However an unscrupulous owner can take this training and turn this training against the slave and use it not to help the slave grow and deepen their submission but to demean, belittle and destroy the slave and her emotional make up. This kind of owner cares nothing about helping the slave grow and is all about getting all he wants from her with out regard to anything else. Is there any way this can be guarded against, not likely since most Doms like this are accomplished liars and actors. If something happens that does not feel right and your Dom does not wish to listen to your feelings then you would have two choice it would seem. One would be to see if this was an aberration and move on with the relationship or if the offence was bad enough you have the grounds to leave. Leaving may not be easy but its better than all manner of abuse that could happen.
Thankfully most owners are reasonable people who seek only to find that one special person who will serve and respect them in the manner in which they expect to be served and respected. Yes a slave may go through many owners before they find the one they fit with and who is similar in needs and wants. There is an other question that I hear often from my brothers and sisters; does the owner ever fall in love with their property? I can only speak from my own perspective and that answer would be yes. Mistress and I are deeply in love with each other but I never use it to try and top from the bottom and get my way when she has told me no. We might be deeply in love with each other but she holds all of the aces, she is Mistress and I am slave that never changes.
To me a slave is one who is not only owned, but seeks to obey and to exceed expectations. They are always alert to ways to serve better, to anticipate better and to calmly accept what it is that their owner wishes of them. The slave can ask for clarification of orders, however in my books should not elaborate on an answer without specific permission to do so unless they have been told to speak freely.
I wish you well
anemone
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