The LDR, the hardest of relationships

  Why does a person get into this kind of relationship? One where the feelings run as deep, and the emotions as strongly as any face to face relationship is supposed to be and yet the couple may not be in the same state, country, or continent. The form of relationship where personal contact is limited to brief periods of a few weeks for visits.

The discussions might turn to full time and live in relationships but those days are, quite frequently, far away and they are discussed more as dreams than as concrete realities. It is the form of relationship where the pain and hurt runs as deeply as it can face to face yet you don’t have the warmth  and love of a special persons arms when you make up.

My last several relationships have all been LDRs and when the last one broke up I swore I would not get into another LDR, that I needed a real set of arms to hold me when things went wrong; where there was at most a couple of hundred miles between my lover and myself. History will show that it did not happen that way. I had been, online friends, with a lovely woman for a couple of years. One day, having been humiliated and tossed aside by a man, who I thought truly wanted me, she found me alone and crying. She scooped me to her lap and cuddled me and started asking what had happened. I had known this woman as a sub/slave, I had no idea until that day that she had a dominant side. It was her Mistress side that came out and was every bit as loving and tender as I needed her to be that day.

This still has not answered the question as to why social creatures like humans get into deep and powerful relationships with those we cannot touch. I know that there is no one answer that will fit every couple so this will have to be answered from my perspective. As I mentioned earlier I had sworn that I would not let myself into another LDR; so why did I? I think the answer is two fold loneliness and love.

I had just been humiliated and dumped by the 5th online “Dominant” in a row and I was very lonely and in my heart and soul I knew that the right person for me was out there. By this time I knew that she did not exist locally because the Mistresses were all either partnered or were straight. Being lesbian this did not work for me so I turned back online to try and fill the void. I also had learned that I would keep looking no matter how many times I was hurt, abused, humiliated, taken for granted and ignored. My heart and soul knew what I was seeking even if my mind could not rationalize the feeling.

After the breakup of a previous relationship I had posted a piece asking why I surrendered and submitted to one who was not worthy of my submission and surrender; another slave answered simply  that the heart wants what it wants and that as slaves we will keep trying, no matter the hurt, until we find the one who will take us and treat us right.

As social creatures we need the contact, both intimate and social, of others of our kind. The isolation imposed by a society of our own making is also the emotional death of many of us. We have lost the contact with those around us, the love and trust of the community has been lost so in our need, our desire for contact we reach across the miles through electronic media. This might explain the proliferation of dating services and other ways of drawing lonely and isolated people together.  Yet to my mind the strongest of relationships are still build among those who have simply been in the right place and the right time to bump into that one special person who completes them.

It has happened again, only this time it is so much deeper than any of the other relationships. This one is not predicated on BDSM, although that is a part of it, it is built on things that will move easily to RL when the time comes. First and foremost we are lovers, friends and partners and after that is the M/s stuff. We have both tried to build relationships where it was M/s only and nothing more, it did not work for either of us. We need a deeper and, to us, more meaningful connection than can be built on that alone. Why did I allow myself into this kind of relationship again simple it just happened.